Every boyfriend Maja has had has turned out to be a jerk. For years she was attracted to the rebellious man who dared to be different – those rebels who were revolutionaries and free spirits. She had a thing for their smoldering looks and their dismissive behavior and of course there was that air of arrogance that drew her too. She just loved their confidence and endless thrill. There were many heartbreaks and tears shed over the modern day James Deans, yet she continued to go back for more. It wasn’t until Carl, the last bad guy boyfriend recklessly behaved like a jerk at her sister’s wedding and cheated on numerous times that she began to see the light, although it did take a lot of persuading from her family, she sought solace in a counselor who brought her back to earth with a thump and spoke straight up. Maja had been on a road of self destruct and torture and if it had continued the ending could’ve been quite different.

Are you one of those girls who, like Maja tend to go from loser to loser with a lot of heartbreak in between? Do you feel like you are a magnet that only draws assholes? Do you really believe that there’s no such thing as a good guy? If any of the above sounds like you, you’ve got a problem – yes, you have an unhealthy addiction to bad boys.

There’s always been something exciting and alluring about the bad boy, however, history shows that the girl always comes off the worst, so why is it then that so many intelligent and beautiful women continue to fall for bad guys? For you it feels like you’re in a thrilling relationship, there’s the crazy insane chemistry, not to mention that powerfully intense attraction. However, it really has nothing to do with the sizzling excitement of the day-to-day relationship, it’s all psychological. When your bad boy treats you right, he really does, he’ll give you a very quick glimpse into a passionate world of excitement – but note the word ‘quick’. This sporadic behavior is lost amidst the constant mistreatment and neglect but when you do feel loved, you’re over the moon and pay no heed to what he’s really like. The bad boy behavior creates an overwhelming cycle of addiction which mimics our faux feelings of love for him. Do you really love him? Do you really want to be with this guy in the future? The answer’s probably ‘no’, yet you can’t stop because you’re 100% addicted to him and his bad boy ways.

Now that you’ve realized your penchant for the bad boy, it’s time to bring this heartache to an end and swear of those selfish losers once and for all – here’s how you can rid them from your life forever and act as a magnet to those good ones – yes, they do exist!

Get some self-respect.

What is it about women trying to tame the wild? It’s down to the fact that in our minds, he makes us feel special and wanted. Long story short – there’s no taming him and there’s certainly no changing his ways, instead it is you who will end up sobbing into your pillow, not him. Strong women with loads of confidence and self-respect tend not to go for the bad boys – it’s not necessary for them to prove their worth, value and attractiveness to themselves or anyone else in that matter. They know that they deserve to be treated right and for this reason they are drawn to those men who will treat them with respect and love.

What’s exciting anyhow?

Many women claim that life with the defiant bad boy is thrilling as it brings a live full of adventure that you just wouldn’t get with a nice guy. Well, this could be true if you call the bumpy emotional roller coaster ride a bad boy takes you on thrilling. There’s nothing healthy and exciting about that! It’s time for you to really look at what truly is the meaning of adventure and fun and redefine the notion of excitement. Believe it or not, there’s such a thing as a healthy kind of excitement and this can be found in a strong and loving relationship and not in a constant dysfunctional drama and hurt. You also need to get rid of the idea that nice guys are dull – it’s really not the case. Nice guys will take you on an adventure of a lifetime and you’ll never look back at those bad boys again. In the end you’ll finally be able to differentiate between real love and an addiction to bad boys – you’ll see that so-called ‘excitement’ will quickly lose its appeal.

Check out the red flags.

Your typical bad boy is a narcissist, who is more in love with himself than you. They fail in emotional intimacy and monogamy. They’re your typical commitment-phobe, but despite this they’ll continue to string you along and play with your heart to fulfill their own egotistical desires. They’ll blow hot and cold leaving you feeling unstable and insecure about the relationship and yourself. He’s most definitely had a colorful love life and is most likely to be a chronic cheater. Yes, of course, from time to time, he’ll be great and make you feel like you’re on top of the world which will make you have that inkling that’s he going to change for the better – he’s not, so don’t be fooled. His moment of kindness is just another way of manipulating you to keep you on your toes and hanging on? Do you really want that?

When you read about women like Maja, you’ll probably start seething and wonder what the hell she’s doing. Why would any self-respecting woman sign up for such treatment? The truth is, there are many women out there, who despite having seen all those warning signs got tricked and sucked into an unhealthy relationship pattern. If you find yourself in a relationship with a bad boy, get out quick – the more you prolong the relationship the more involved you’ll get, which will most probably end in heartache. So ladies, do yourselves a favor and remember that you’ll never convert him and he’s definitely not your soul mate so don’t waste your time and energy on yet another loser instead open up to new possibilities and see what the world has to offer.

Polina Solda
Dating Expert and Certified Coach
New York, NY

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