DATINGFind Love and Keep It Guide

What is personal branding? It’s how you define and present yourself to the outside world. It’s beyond your looks and what you wear. It’s all about how other people experience you, and the opinions and perceptions they form about you. Now anyone can Google you, go through your social media pages and find out A LOT about you before ever meeting you in person.

Your personal brand is in the spotlight 24/7 for anyone in the world to see on the internet. What does it say about you? Does it present you in the best light? If you are a single woman who wants to find love and get into a relationship with a quality man, then pay attention to your own brand.

This is crucial because personal branding can help you set yourself apart from everyone else so that you can attract and meet a quality man. At the same time, it can really hurt your dating life and turn off quality men. 

I am going to list 5 common personal brands that women put out there in their online presence—both in social media and online dating websites—without even being consciously aware of them. There is no right or wrong about any of them. The point is to simply illustrate some patterns and realize how they might impact your dating life. Once you are aware of those things, you can be very intentional about what brand you want to create and promote consistently.

1) “Party Girl”

She loves to party and have fun. She loves to dress up and go out.  She posts many photos of her with girlfriends and other men drinking and dancing in bars and nightclubs. She stays up late and posts Facebook updates at 2 or 3 A.M.  She draws excessive attention to herself because she is likely to dress very sexy and even provocatively; wearing short tight dresses and high heels. Her Facebook updates include many pictures from nightclubs, drinking and partying with men, bottles and drunk girlfriends next to her.

What to watch out for:

While you might be a well rounded woman who just likes to go out and have fun (I can relate), if your online presence is heavy on “party life” then you might be unintentionally sending the wrong message. You might be turning off the very quality men you want to attract who won’t take you seriously from the get go, and won’t perceive you as a “girlfriend or wife material,” but rather just a hookup.

With this brand, you are likely to attract players and men looking just to have fun and casual relationships (read “sex”). The kind of guys who buy VIP table bottle service and perceive women in nightclubs as nothing but potential sex partners.

2) “Business Woman”

She is self-made, ambitious and hard-working. She is a smart and strong woman who is accomplished in her career or business. She is active on LinkedIn, and her Facebook updates might include attending a financial seminar, links to the latest articles in HBR and Forbes, comments about the stock market and sharing successes in her career. However, she doesn’t share many personal details and uploads few photos.

What to watch out for:

As a business owner, I can totally relate to being a woman who gets things done and makes things happen. When we tap into masculine go-getter energy, we concur mountains and feel on the top of the world. Yet, when it comes to love, it’s about embracing our feminine energy and to love being a woman—happy, playful and youthful. Quality men are drawn to light-hearted and joyful women who can be spontaneous, receiving and allowing things to happen (instead of being bossy and in control).

With this brand, you are likely to attract less successful and ambitious, type “B” men who won’t mind if you take charge, make major decisions and be the breadwinner in the relationship. Alpha males likely won’t be drawn to you unless it means business.

3) “High-Maintenance”

She is typically gorgeous looking—tall, skinny and with model-like looks. She puts a lot of effort into maintaining her appearance and looking her best. Her looks are her most important asset. Her Facebook updates clearly demonstrate that she expects the finer things in life. She is likely to post photos of herself on a luxury yacht that is owned by someone who might be her boyfriend at that time. Her photo albums include glamorous travel locations, from top spa and ski resorts in the U.S. to European cities like Paris and Milan. She also posts a lot of selfies in the spas and boutiques where she spends time at. She wears designer clothes from head to toe and has an impressive collection of designer shoes and purses. She might have an average job or have no job at all. Yet, she expects the best of everything in life. And, she will not give the time of day to a good guy who isn’t wealthy and successful according to her high standards.

What to watch out for:

As a Russian woman, I pay attention to self-care and appearance. Yet, if you primarily focus on glamour and luxury then you might intimidate and turn off decent men who might not be at the peak of their financial potential, at least not yet. You also risk being  perceived by men, wealthy or not, as a superficial woman who puts money above everything else and who requires a lot to be able to “afford” her.

With this brand, you are likely to attract wealthy men, who are likely to be much older, separated or divorced with grown up kids. While they can take you on a shopping spree or luxury vacation to give you instant gratification, they are very unlikely going to commit, get married and have children together with you. Those men are a bad investment of your time if you want your own family.

4) “Home-Buddy”

She likes to hang out at home after work and on weekends. Basically, most of the time when she isn’t at work, she is at home. She loves the comfort and familiarity of her home. Comfort is her motto which is reflected in the way she looks and dresses. She enjoys cooking home-made meals, baking and trying new recipes. Her Facebook page has photos of her cooking creations and, occasionally, her cat. She has many favorite TV shows that she rarely misses. She doesn’t post many updates but likes to make comments about someone’s else recent travel photos or other news. She doesn’t go out much and instead she prefers to get together with a couple of girlfriends at one of their homes.

What to watch out for:

As a wife and mother, I appreciate the beauty and comfort of our home life. I can coach clients on the phone in my PJs. However, if you are a single woman and stay at home most of the time (besides working), then you are really limiting your options. If you don’t do much in life, your Facebook page and online dating profile are likely going to reflect that. You might create the impression of a boring person who doesn’t have many interests, hobbies or friends.

With this brand, you are likely to attract average guys who don’t do much either. They are comfortable and complacent with where they are in life. The kind who spends their nights and weekends staying home, drinking beer and watching sports.

5) “Home Run”

She is classy and well rounded both in her appearance and approach to life. She is well-educated, self-made and quite accomplished in her career or business but doesn’t center her whole life around it. She knows how to be a feminine confident woman, supportive and nurturing partner when she is with a man.

She invests in herself and is in a constant state of expansion and growth. She knows her value as a woman and what she can offer

in a relationship with the right man. She takes good care of herself but doesn’t overdo it like a high-maintenance woman. She lives a

rich and full life that she loves, and it shows in her Facebook and online dating profiles. She enjoys an active social life with a strong network of friends and acquaintances. She has passions and diverse interests that make her interesting and unique. Her Facebook updates and photos vary – a comment about an empowering book she recently read, a black tie fundraising dinner she attended, a volunteering project for underprivileged children she organized, a hiking trip with her friends—she lives life to the fullest and enjoys every moment of it.

What to watch out for:

It’s key to be in integrity and not to fake or exaggerate things in your online presence. The kind of quality man you want to attract with this brand is super smart and will spot any misalignment between yourself online and in real life right away. So, do not pretend to be someone you are not. If you mentioned a book you recently read in your online profile then be prepared to express your opinion about it when you are on a date. If you put golf as your hobby, make sure to take some golf lessons before he takes you out to his country club. If you said you ski, make sure you can gracefully get down those slops in Aspen when he invites you on a ski trip.

With this brand, you are likely to be perceived as a high-value well rounded woman who potentially can become a life partner,  wife, mother and best friend for the right man. You are likely to attract and meet many men that puts you in a position to be a selective chooser. And you are likely to choose wisely. Good luck to you!

Polina Solda
Dating Expert and Certified Coach
New York, NY

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