DATING

Online dating can really be amusing. A lot of people even find it workable and gratifying. In fact, there are more benefits other people do not realize unless they try online dating themselves. However, not all online dating escapades produce positive results in the end. There are instances in which the expectations sometimes go out of hand when executed in reality. Take for example the case of Jenny, a 40-year old woman who was lucky enough to find somebody she thought was the right man for her. She replied to Brian’s message and when he received an answer from her, they started to communicate frequently. What happened in their online dating is a series of continuous communication, exchanging messages, chatting continuously, and even spending hours talking on the phone. Because of the instant chemistry that evolved each time they talk to each other, Jenny had emotionally built up the possibility of having a true, and not virtual, relationship with Brian. That is why he decided to set up their first real date. As they day came when they agreed to meet for lunch, everything seem to have crumbled into pieces. Brian appeared to be somewhat different what Lisa had expected or recalled. What made the meeting even worse is that what used to be a cheerful, lively conversation they usually had whenever they talked on the phone or chatted online suddenly become so stiff and strained. And as the date come to an end, Brian said that he had a nice time and enjoyed the date. Lisa did not know what to say or do. This kind of situation is not uncommon in the world of online dating. There are many cases in which two people just don’t click when they meet each other in person. A lot of people who are involved in online dating usually ask why such things happen. They find it hard to believe that the person they have learned to like (and love) online is entirely different when in person. So, they try to assess themselves what went wrong. Is it their point of view that has changed? Were they deceived by the other person? Or was it just wrong from the very start? The issue with most women who use online dating is that they fail to keep in mind that when they communicate to their dates online, they are communicating, not with a person but with a series of texts, with no person involved. This is because any answers can always be fabricated or a guy can always deceive his date. So, when this happens, personal meetings could really end up like the one mentioned above. This is because reality is entirely different from what the computer screen illustrates. Nevertheless, the problem is still there. Any woman dating online should know how to gradually exit from the situation without feeling bad and disappointed. If you want to know how to do this, here are a few useful tips that you can use and make rejections a little easier to bear. If you tend to get excited quickly and easily about a new date but often get disappointed once you meet him, it’s a matter of shifting your mindset about the meaning you give to the whole situation. It much easier to get disappointed when you set high expectations. And it much easier to have high expectations when you have a lot of virtual contact and paint a vivid picture of what a person is like in your head. So, one way is to approach it as to simplify the entire process. Limit the number of messages you exchange and the hours you spend talking on the phone. And look at an in-person meeting for what it is – another first date with a new guy. It might or might not turn out to be great. You will not know for sure until you go through the experience. So, if you are open and have no attachment to a specific outcome (like, “he is the One”), you will not set yourself up for a disappointment in the first place. Another key point to realize is that you aren’t responsible for his feelings. It may sound harsh but it’s not your job to make him feel good and you don’t owe him anything. If you see that there is no chemistry, attraction or connection and you are certain that more time together won’t change that, then let a guy know about that right away. There is no point of pretending to feel something you aren’t feeling and wasting each other’s time. You can be really nice to a guy just like you would be to any human being but it doesn’t mean that you have to do something outside of your comfort zone. For instance, you don’t have to spend 2 hours on a date when 20 minutes would be enough. Simply smile, acknowledge him for making the time to meet you, thank him for coffee, showing you a new place or whatever, tell him that you have to go and leave. You don’t have to lie and come up with excuses or explain yourself. If you do find forcing yourself to be and act a certain way, then look and work through some of your own beliefs that are causing you to get disappointed in the first place. Take responsibility for those beliefs and take action to change them. Polina Solda Dating Expert and Certified Coach New York, NY www.findloveandkeepit.com 212-542-0994 coaching@findloveandkeepit.com ————————————- You’re About To Discover “Top Secrets to Attracting and Meeting Quality Men” Get instant access to the free ebook at www.findloveandkeepit.com