What’s really holding you back from finding love? Why are you still single and looking?

Is it your age? [Too young, Too old]
Is it your city? [No available men, No one wants to commit]
Is it your career? [Too busy, long hours at work]

Whatever your reasons are, they are based on your beliefs about what’s true and real to you.

Notice if you are telling yourself things like:

“I am too [fill in the blank].” 

 “I don’t have [fill in the blank].” 

 “[Fill in the blank] works for others, but not for me.”

Now look at each statement again.

Let’s say you’ve said, “I don’t have time for dating.” [One of the most common excuses.]

Is that true?

Can you absolutely know it’s true?

I bet that if you had a really good reason—a very strong WHY for finding love—you’d MAKE TIME.

Like Debbie, 38, a VP of Operations who always dreamed of becoming a mother but had been busy climbing the corporate ladder. Debbie had a “wake up call” when her best friend since college had a miscarriage for the second time. She realized that if she continued putting her love life on hold, she might NEVER fulfill her dream of having her own family. Debbie feared that it would be too late because she only grew older each day. Even though she had a high pressure job, she made finding love a priority and scheduled specific times in her calendar to date online, go out and meet men. Three months later she met Marc, 40. They met online and fell in love “from the first click.” After dating for 8 months, Debbie and Marc got engaged and now expecting!

Notice how in Debbie’s story the external circumstances didn’t change. Yet, her priorities shifted.

From my experience working with hundreds of women, the real reason that holds them back in most cases is their MINDSET.

If you keep giving yourself the same reasons or excuses and hold on to limiting beliefs that disempower you, then you can’t expect different and better results.

For example, if you plan to go out tonight and think, “Oh, it’s probably going to be a waste of my time and I won’t meet anyone,” then you’ve already set yourself up for failure. You will end up staying home or going out and experiencing exactly what you expected.

Our brains are wired in such a way that if we believe something to be true, we will look for and find the proof that matches our belief in order to make us “right.”

To break this sabotaging pattern, you must become aware of a negative self-talk.

Starting now, notice what you think about a guy you just met, a date you went on last week or an upcoming party you’re planning to attend.

How does it serve you?

Remember, if you don’t change your mindset, your actions don’t change and you get the same results or nothing.

Polina Solda
Dating Expert and Certified Coach
New York, NY

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