Dating online is something most of the single people I know do. In fact, all of my clients get either a brand new or a total makeover for their online dating profile when we start working together.
Recently, I logged into an online dating site on behalf of my client and browsed some profiles. The same mistakes that I saw women make over and over again inspired me to read a book by a fellow NY-based dating expert and share her best tips with you.
So, one of the books that I’ve read in 2015 is by Laurie Davis which is entitled “Love at First Click: The Ultimate Guide to Online Dating.”
Before I share the key highlights, I want to let you know my point of view about online dating — it is a skill and if you learn it, you totally can find the love of your life there. It happened to my friends who now enjoy blissful relationships and family lives. It also happened for some of my clients so it can also work for you as well.
Here are the top highlights of the book that I organized in Do’s and Don’ts to make it easier for you:
Online Photos DON’Ts:
- Use group and/or family photos (no need for him to fall for your girlfriend or meet your parents).
- Reveal too much skin (unless you are looking for a booty call kind of guy).
- Hide behind photos that don’t include you (save those scenery shots for your desktop), black and white or disguises (no need to hide behind those sunglasses).
- Use selfies (never your best angle and makes a guy question your social life or its lack thereof).
Online Photos DO’s:
- 2-3 close up photos of yourself (a flirty face or simple smile works best).
- 1-2 action shots (give him a sense of your lifestyle).
- 1-2 head to toe photos (show him yourself and your personal style).
- Use real-time photos (recently taken, not 2 years ago after a brutal diet).
Online Dating Profile DO’s:
- Always have active profiles on 2 sites or more (increase your chances).
- Create a username that reflects your personality (evoke interest).
- Write a catchy first sentence (determines if it’s worth reading more).
- Be specific about your lifestyle (make it easy for him to relate).
- Tell a story (let him into your world).
- Make yourself vulnerable without baring your soul (don’t scare him away).
- Check spelling and grammar (come across as intelligent).
- Imply intention about the kind of relationship you want (avoid a statement).
- Remove the creep factor referring to matches as “he,” not “you” and “he’s” instead of “he’d be” (comes off as assuming).
- Write a strong last line to make a lasting impression (be memorable).
Online Dating Profile DON’Ts:
- Try one site and give up after a few months
- Poor username – using a birth name (risky), numbers (irrelevant) and/or sexual undertone (attracts players).
- Avoid using adjectives like “funny,” “smart,” successful” (too vague and boring).
- Write an autobiography starting with “I was born in…” (present tense is more important).
- Skip questions and leave empty spots in your profile (avoid empty inbox).
- Use negatives and ultimatums like “I hate,” “never,” and “don’t write to me if” (focus on what you want).
- Bring your past into the present and mention baggage and your ex (focus on the future).
- Get too deep and precise in answering questions (leave some mystery).
- Give an exact description of your career (it isn’t a Linkedin profile).
- All caps or all lowercase, run on sentences, too many exclamation points and emoticons.
Online Dating Site DO’s:
- Read his profile and find out what you like about him, so it will give you a topic for the first message.
- Start a conversation by sending a quick message, mentioning something you share (“Noticed that…”) and asking a question (Curious if…”).
- Talk about passions you have in common as a point of connection.
- Always close your message with your name (personalizes and warms up the tone of your message).
- Reply to a message within 24-48 hours (forget “The Rules” about keeping him waiting).
- Keep your messages short —one question per paragraph and one paragraph per topic.
- Keep your messages chain short—after you exchange 2-3 messages each, exchange phone numbers and move your conversation offline.
- After you exchanged the numbers, mention a current event/activity or bring up the weekend (he will ask you out and if he doesn’t, move on).
- Chat on the phone before meeting in person if you are on the fence about him (keep your conversation to 10-15 minutes to decide if you want to meet).
- Update your profile periodically by uploading new photos, revising your profile and updating your preferences (you’ll attract new matches).
Online Dating Site DON’Ts:
- Start a conversation with job talk (it isn’t about business networking).
- Use netspeak like “ur,” ”k,” ”ya” and so on.
- Greet with generic lines like “Hello, how are you?”, “Let’s talk,” and so on (avoid sounding like everyone else.)
- Use copy-and-paste email templates (avoid wasting your time.)
- End with generic please like “If you like my profile, message me back” (he will if he likes your profile.)
- Take too long to reply.
- Include your full email signature with a full name, title, email and other contact details (avoid compromising your safety.)
- Talk about sex, religion, past relationships, marriage, politics and personal moments (like a recent death in the family)
- Respond to someone who is obnoxious, mean or extremely negative (give him to reasons to communicate and if he does, block him immediately.)
- Send back-to-back messages in a short period of time (avoid being desperate or pushy.)
Dating Expert and Certified Coach
New York, NY
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