It was after midnight when I heard our 3-year-old crying and screaming for mommy and daddy.
Recently, we had some family PJs parties at the end of which all four of us (including our fluffy cat) felt asleep. But last night “the party was over” and our son had to sleep in his room.
When we heard him, and I asked my husband to check on him, he said, “We spoiled him; he can’t sleep in our bed every night. Let him cry it out. That’s what my mom did when I was a kid.”
He put a fan on high and a pillow on his head to block the noise.
I got up, went to our son’s room, picked him from the floor by the locked door, put him in bed and gave him a long sweet hug.
He was back to a peaceful sleep within a couple of minutes.
Why am I sharing this with you?
Because of the powerful lesson here.
It’s a metaphor where your feelings are like a crying child.
I’ve learned it from my mentor and it has changed how I process feelings forever.
In dating, it could be feelings of being hurt, doubtful, sad, disappointed, or scared.
These feelings could come out of any dating situation. He said he had a great time but never called back. He wanted to be in a relationship but disappeared after you had sex.
When these things happen (and they do, it’s not your fault), notice how you respond.
You can go into your mind and tell yourself a story about what it means. Often, it’s a disempowering story that isn’t true and based on someone else’s beliefs. (Just like my husband’s belief based on what his mom did to him.)
You can distract yourself from those feelings with things like food, alcohol or TV. (Just like my husband did with a noisy fan.)
The problem with these approaches is that that child is still crying; in other words, your feelings are still hurting. Invisible but unresolved, they pile up in layers and layers that turn into love blocks that hold you back from what you want.
What’s the solution?
It’s your choice to respond differently.
Don’t go into your mind. Analyzing and overthinking wastes your energy and lowers your self-esteem.
You can’t solve a “feeling problem” with your mind.
But you can do it on a level of feelings.
It’s counterintuitive to go into something you don’t want, but it’s exactly what you want to do.
Yes, it’s uncomfortable, requires effort and time (just like I had to get up, go our son’s room and seat there until he felt asleep) but it’s worth it.
Actually, you worth it. You are worth giving attention, sending unconditional love and acceptance to the feeling you feel inside.
Get out of your mind. Get rid of distractions.
Stay present to your feeling. Don’t analyze it. Don’t judge it. Just be with it.
Feel through the feeling.
The most amazing thing happens in the moment when you get to the neutral state when you feel total peace.
It’s the difference between the screaming and peacefully sleeping child.
When you send love and acceptance to the feeling inside you, you’re healing and releasing.
The more you practice it, the more you learn to let go.
You’ll feel lighter, more open, relaxed and at peace.
Once you inner energy shifts, your external experiences will shift too.
I can’t wait for you to experience the power of this this transformational practice.