First dates for some can be intimidating and stressful. Your mind and emotions can be overloaded with insecurities and fears.

Conversation normally is a big factor for a positive date outcome as well as a great influence on the success or failure of your first date.

Carrying a conversation during a first date can become difficult and uneasy at times, since you hardly know the individual you are dating (especially on a blind date), making it hard to open up and think of a certain topic to talk about and with slight tension and nervousness, things can be really awkward.

You might be scared of rejection and failure so you might feel nervous and conscious about what to say. You might worry about saying the right things because saying the wrong words may either negatively affect his perception of you, make the conversation boring and loose his interest in you.

However, your worries can lead to the kind of results you don’t want. They can paralyze your thoughts and emotion undermining your ability to act confidently like you would normally be in the company of your family and friends. As a result, you might end up in a humiliating and embarrassing situation that can be described in dating as “awkward silence”.

Any woman is capable of carrying on an effortless, enjoyable and easy going conversation with a man she is familiar and comfortable with. If you have the right approach, you can do it with a man you just met on a first date.

The key here is to think ahead of time about the things that you can open up or topics that can start a good conversation; usually, it is something that you love, passionate about, interested in and feel good about.  It can be any of your interest,s hobbies, sports, career,  activities, volunteering, etc.

While it is a great strategy to talk about things that you are good and successful at, avoid bragging. Remember, it is not your job to impress him. Let him talk about his successes, accomplishments and awards Let him impress you. Acknowledge and compliment him. When you do that, you allow him to get into his masculine while you embrace and stay in your feminine energy.

Keep your conversation as simple as possible keeping away discussions about politics or religion. Also, do not intrude or ask deep personal questions. Whatever your date wants to relate to you, he will tell you on his own. Never too, talk about your experience about past relationships, as this will make him feel uneasy. When you make your date feel at ease with your conversations, you dramatically increase a chance that there will be another date.

Let him talk more than you do and listen attentively so that you can get to know him better and get an idea about the kind of things that interest him.  Furthermore, being a great listener is one positive quality that is valued by any men. Besides, you’ll know what you both have in common so talk about that and start developing a good bond.

Take note that most often than not, people are tempted or even talk about their life story. Be careful, as this might only bore your date. Instead, loosen up and select an easy topic or general things such as travel, sports, movies, food, your experience in the moment or anything that is of interest to both of you.

The important thing is to relax and be yourself. Never pretend to be somebody that you are not. Besides, you want to know upfront that your date liked you for what you are.

Do not let the awkward silence to worry you. At some point those silence moments might happen and it is ok. Awkward silence is never a basis for you to conclude that he is not interested in you.  He just might be in a similar position as you are thinking what to say next.

When silence does happen, break it with a joke, a compliment or a question and remember to be yourself. Let your date know how nervous you are if you are. Letting him know how you feel on a first date will take away the tension, make you both more comfortable and able to better handle those moments of awkward silence.

Polina Solda
Dating Expert and Certified Coach
New York, NY

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