I remember once when I went on a date with my husband. We met at an upscale restaurant for happy hour. The place was packed with professionally dressed men. It had a great vibe and the best oysters. We sat at the bar, anticipating a fun night. And it could have been, if I didn’t do what I did.
In retrospect, I could easily have avoided it.
The reason I am sharing this with you is because I want to make sure you avoid making these mistakes when you go out on dates. I want the guy you are interested in to ask you out on other dates. And I want you to have a really good time when you are out.
So here is what happened. Perhaps, it’s because I was so excited about some opportunities in my business and had worked on a new project all day. Whatever the reason, I had lots of masculine energy. It showed up in little things. I asked a bartender to bring us the menus. I suggested that we have oysters before Paul even had a chance to look at the menu. I told him that we should move to the dining area after we finish with our oysters at the bar. Those are little things that would really bother a strong, confident, alpha male who invites a woman on a date. And yes, it bothered my husband, who asked me to “slow down.” So, the first mistake I made was that I was doing his job.
You probably can relate to doing a man’s job in certain situations. You are an independent, strong, successful woman. You know how to take care of yourself, make decisions and take the lead in your own life. Yet, when it comes to dating and men, that can be a real turn-off for quality alpha men who aren’t looking for a clone of themselves. Watch out for using that masculine energy. Embrace your femininity, enjoy yourself and let him take the lead.
It got even worse because of the kind of talk I initiated and insisted on continuing. Instead of keeping our date fun, light and playful, I dived into a deep discussion about my business. I talked about the major investment decision I was about to make, and the level of commitment it would require in terms of my time, energy and money. When my husband challenged some of my assumptions (he is an attorney, after all), I got very impatient and defensive. It got to the point where our conversation turned into an argument. We got really upset with each other. So, the second mistake I made was that I was making it all about me and my work.
You probably have been in a situation where the conversation got controversial and heavy. You might have brought up difficult topics that are best to avoid on a date. And when the conversation turned in a direction you didn’t expect, you got defensive or shut down. I realized that I shouldn’t have brought up my business at all. It wasn’t the right time and place. Similarly, there are topics that are too much or too soon to share when you date someone. Laugh more, be playful and keep your conversation light and fun.
These mistakes cost me. We didn’t fully enjoy those oysters, a bottle of fine wine and a happy hour vibe. While I eventually turned things around by apologizing, the evening wasn’t what it could have been.
And if it was our first date, there wouldn’t have been a second date. The masculine energy I exuded was just too much.
Luckily, we have been together for 6+ years, and my husband knows the feminine, playful and fun side of me, so he could see things in a bigger perspective.
But if you just recently met someone who doesn’t really know you, then you want to be aware of those masculine vibes.
Because here’s the deal…
We women have an incredible power to influence the direction in which our love life goes simply by the way we make a man feel about us. If he feels emasculated or challenged, then he will be turned off. But it’s when you embrace your feminine side, a man feels more like a real, strong, masculine man. He becomes the best man he can be. And when he associates that feeling with being around you, he becomes addicted to you. He wants to see you again, he asks you out, he dates you, and he ultimately wants to only be with you.
So, just like I used to keep my phone shut off and in my purse when I was on a date, I also made a decision to keep talk about my professional self and coaching business back in my office.