DATING

It’s been almost 3 weeks since the year of 2015 started.

Some research shows that about 1/3 of people who made new year’s resolutions have already broken them. The biggest reason is that they were about a general desire, not a specific goal.

That’s why I am a strong believer in setting goals instead of making resolutions or doing pretty weird things (one person told me that every year he writes his wishes on a piece of paper, burns it, puts ashes into a glass of champagne and drinks it on the new year’s eve countdown!)

So, I have a question for you…

Do you have a goal for your love life in 2015?

You have probably answered “Yes,” while thinking something along the lines of, “I want to find the right person.”

That’s the typical response I got during the workshop that I led recently to a group of smart and successful women in New York City.

But, here’s the problem. If you don’t have crystal clarity about exactly what it is you want to create in your love life, then most likely you will get the wrong thing or nothing at all.

For instance, how will you know if he’s “the right person?” What if he’s the right person, but he is not available? And if you do find the right person, is that your ultimate goal? Do you want to date casually or be engaged in 2015? Those are the questions that you will want to have as much clarity about as possible.

My intention for you is to have you stand apart from the 90%+ of people who make THE SAME resolutions from one year to the next, such as to “find love” or “get married,” only to find themselves at the end of the year in the same old place.

Because resolutions hardly work, you must set goals in a way that maximizes your chances of actually achieving them.

Recently, I attended a live workshop to set my big goal for 2015, and I learned some valuable insights there. Now I want to share these insights with you so that you can apply them to your own goals.

Here are the key takeaways:

1. Your goal must be based on 4 components: authentic (originate from your passion), challenging (stretch you), specific (who, what, when, how, why, where) and written down (positive, present tense as if you already achieved it and 1st person). Write it down and put it somewhere where you can see it often. Personally, I also like to have visual images of my goal that serve as a daily reminder and inspiration.

2. The One Thing Theory. Just pursuing one thing with all of your energy, focus and commitment can totally transform your life—and often it’s the one thing you

procrastinate on. Do you think “I should put myself out there and meet more people,” but then find yourself putting it off because life gets in the way? Imagine if you scheduled a bunch of events and activities on your calendar, and focused on consistently and regularly going to those places. You could easily meet the “one” in a matter of weeks or months.

3. The Only Quality People Principle. Those close to you may actually limit the vision you have for yourself. They see you from a certain perspective that’s based on a combination of your past experiences. That’s why it’s important to look for mentors and resources that can open up and show you a possibility for who you can become and

the kind of life you can create for yourself. If you want to achieve amazing results in your love life, you can’t afford to be negative like your single girlfriends who keep complaining about how there are “No good men out there” and blaming others for their circumstances.

4. Pre-Commit to Your Goal. Your environment plays an important role in the kind of choices you make. If you open your calendar and it’s blank, you might choose to do what you might have done before – stay at home and watch TV. But if you see a scheduled event that you’ve already pre-paid for and made plans with a friend to attend together, you are likely going to go. Think of how you can design simple systems that will make it practically impossible to make the wrong choice.

5. Become a scientist. There are people who judge things as “good” or “bad,” so if they fail at something then they might give up. There are also people who turn judgment into curiosity.

Tony Robbins said that “There are no failures. Only results.” So, if something didn’t work out, instead of putting a label as good or bad, be scientific and curious about the results you got.

For scientists, all data is good because even things that didn’t work can lead to something positive like lessons learned and breakthroughs.

Now that you are familiar with key ingredients of scientific goal setting, set your main goal for 2015. I would love to hear from you about what goal you set. Just click REPLY right now and share you goal with me. I will be happy to offer my feedback if it can be refined even further.

I look forward to hearing from you!

Polina Solda
Dating Expert and Certified Coach
New York, NY
www.findloveandkeepit.com

212-542-0994
coaching@findloveandkeepit.com
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