Brittany, a 39-year-old software engineer who is a new client, started working with me a few weeks ago. The other day she told me that her ex-boyfriend had reached out to her, but that she wasn’t sure how to respond.

Have you ever had a similar experience? Has your ex suddenly contacted you? I bet you have. Maybe he even texted you last week! Hearing from an ex-boyfriend happens a lot around the holidays. It may sound funny, but if you live on the East Coast, your ex is likely to reappear when the days get shorter and the nights get colder. So don’t be surprised if he surfaces this month or next month!

But there’s a deeper reason why he might surprise you by getting in touch again.

The way I see it is, when you decide to complete the past, move on and take action (such as, investing in yourself and hiring a coach), it’s like the Universe is testing you.

Are you truly complete with the past relationship?
Are you truly ready to move on with your love life?
Are you truly open for someone else to come into your life?

If you begin to entertain the idea of “What if?” after your ex-boyfriend texts you and suggests that you meet him, think about the message you’re sending him.

Reflect on the core reasons your relationship with this man ended. There must have been a solid reason why it didn’t work in the past.

Of course, there are rare exceptions, like with anything else. But in most cases, there’s an unresolvable issue that caused the breakup.

When I was single and dating in New York City, my ex-boyfriend from Washington, DC, kept reaching out. But every time I responded, no matter how much fun we had at the moment, the same old unresolved issues would come up—we were in different places in our lives.

And, I was still single, wondering if and when I would be able to find the right guy. It felt like I was going in circles, and that only added to my frustration and exhaustion concerning dating.

It wasn’t until I realized the cost of saying “yes” to my ex’s reaching out and put a full stop to all communication between us that I was able to attract an amazing man into my life. He’s now my husband and the father of our son.

When my new client Brittany asked me how to respond to her ex, my advice was to be clear and direct, something along the lines of ” You and I are complete, and I’ve moved on. Thank you for everything, and best of luck to you.” And then take massive action, like meeting new men, and planning and going on quality dates.

When you have this level of clarity, the Universe responds accordingly. When you create space, time and energy for something new, it comes.

Now, I’d love to hear from you what you’re going to do if and when you get that text/call/email from your ex. Post your response on the blog here.

P.S. If you choose to say a firm “No” to your ex, and instead, plan to take action, like meeting new men and going on quality dates, I’m going to host a live webinar on how to get two quality dates a week soon. Stay tuned!