Hayley went into self-destruct mode after her relationship ended. She beat herself up so badly and believed it was because she wasn’t as attractive as other women. She lost all self-respect and love for herself – she lost sight of who she was. She tried to become someone she wasn’t. She changed her look, her style and became so obsessed with how other people saw her. In her eyes she just wasn’t attractive. When she finally changed her image, she couldn’t understand why she still wasn’t attracting men. It wasn’t until she sought help and discovered that her problem wasn’t how she looked but it was who she was. Hayley, on discovering this grim truth, began the journey of rediscovering and loving herself and with that came the success she’d been looking for all along.

For many single women out there, one of their number one goals for the New Year would be to find love and a meaningful relationship with Mr. Right. Perhaps you’re doing everything in your power to find the right guy for you but somehow you continue to fail. Many young and successful women like Hayley try in vain to transform into someone they’re not and despite all their efforts and money spent they just can’t seem to get it right. Look no further than the mirror – it’s all about you and how you see yourself.

How can you expect any man to fall in love with you if you don’t love yourself? It’s impossible, or if you want to continue attracting all those losers from the past, continue what you’re doing. The chances are you don’t. You want to attract someone who will love and respect you. But before any man will, it requires you rediscovering and falling in love with yourself all over again. It requires you to be completely honest and being proud of who you really are. Too many women believe that they have to change their image and values – this couldn’t be further from the truth. Men want a confident woman who loves herself and life, not a fake woman who’s pretending to be someone else.

1. Mirror, mirror

Check yourself out girl – you’re gorgeous! You don’t need to change. Take time every day to look and admire yourself in the mirror. When you can really appreciate your own reflection, then others will too. The worst thing women do is try to be a carbon copy of another woman – usually women who are so unrealistic – in other words those we see on the cover of our glossy mags. Being unique and special is what makes you, you, so why go and change it? When you finally fall in love with your true self, you’ll see that love will follow. Men want strong women who have confidence and shine from the outside. You had it once before you hooked up with your ex – now it’s time to find it again.

2. Outsider’s perspective

Think about the way you behave and conduct yourself in the public eye as one of your greatest advertisements – this is the way to show the world who you are. Everything you do and say is being scrutinized and it could be compared to a massive billboard that shows the world what they can really expect from you as a woman. It’s all in your body language and the way you hold yourself around others. Yes, maybe you’re still hurting or maybe you’re just having a crap day, it doesn’t matter if you just mumble and shrug your shoulders dismissively you are showing the world that you don’t have confidence and that you don’t love yourself. And if you don’t love yourself, really, are you worth loving? As harsh as that may sound, that’s the reality of it and that’s how others around you view it. If you’re genuinely pleasant to others, well-mannered, happy for others, excited about life, it shows. Your positive actions and words will rub off on others making you more attractive and therefore more likable. Smiling and being friendly despite everything else that’s going on in your life is a great way to attract love from the right men.

3. Reconnect with the gals

Your girlfriends will always be there for you. When women get heavily involved with relationships they tend to put their friends on the backburner. Now that he’s out of your life it’s the perfect opportunity to reconnect with your old girlfriends and not let them go. If you think being single means being alone, you’re totally misguided. Actually, one of the most wonderful things about your newly acquired single status is your ability to spend much needed quality time with your close friends. When you surround yourself with other likeminded women who ooze love and positive energy it will pull you up out of that state of self-pity. Forget about crying at home into your pillow, get out their and have some fun with your friends. When you’re happy and radiant, you’ll naturally attract more interest from suitable guys. What’s more, having a tight circle will allow you to get out more and network thus giving you more confidence. Once you get your relationship with yourself and your friends back on track the possibilities of find love will be endless.

4. Give yourself a gift

Every corner you turn you see so many glamorous and stunning women dating fabulously rich and charming looking men and you look on in envy. While they may seem happy on the surface, are they? Appearances can be deceiving. But there is one way you can help yourself to be that woman and that’s by connecting to the world. When you were dating your ex, you probably didn’t have so much time to do the things you love such as wandering around art galleries, taking in a show or going to a concert – now you have the time, take the opportunity to reconnect with your passions. When you rediscover all the things that you once loved such as fine dining, art or travel you will be instantaneously uplifted. When you show the world your lust for life and wear it on your sleeve, you’ll find that others will also lust after you. What a man wants is simple, he wants to be cared for, nurtured and loved and when he has the opportunity to see all that passion you have for life, he’s bound to want to be part of your world.

At the end of the day, making your world better and loving yourself will make you completely irresistible. Men want women with confidence and once you start loving yourself again and stop thinking about the ‘what ifs’, then you will really see your love life transform for the better.

Polina Solda
Dating Expert and Certified Coach
New York, NY

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