DATINGAs a Women: The Most Important Thing I Ever Learned

If you’re a smart and successful women, you can relate to what I’m about to say.

Since I was a little girl, I was pushed to be like everyone else (being born in the Soviet Union and raised in communism’s ideals) yet always strive to be better, faster, stronger.

I faced the pressure from my mother who told me, “You have to study hard and work hard (I worked since the age of 12) to survive.”

I faced the pressure from my environment that reinforced I wasn’t good enough. Strengths were taken for granted and weaknesses were given full attention.

I was raised in the culture where if you studied very hard and got “A’s” in all subjects except for math, your parents and teachers would put all of their attention on that one “B” and push you for more.

Everyone dressed the same. Everyone had the same furniture at home, watched the same several government-run TV channels, and stood in hours-long lines to get the same basic groceries.

The government pre-determined what your beliefs would be before you were born.

There was no individuality and no freedom of self-expression.

The pressure to be a certain way—seemingly “perfect” in a clone-like way—has created a lot of fear of being judged and fear of failing as well as hidden feelings of guilt and shame.

But more importantly, the pressure to be “someone” as a part of the system didn’t allow me to find and be myself.

I didn’t know who I was.

All I knew is that I had to PROVE myself to others according to someone’s else imposed standards.

I had to show that I was just like others in things I was able to do and have.

I wore a mask of someone who had a seemingly “perfect” life, whatever it meant.

Gosh, it’s so hard to be someone you are not.

You know it, right?

The constant comparing, self-doubt and approval-seeking.

The worrying, over-analyzing and over-thinking.

What a draining and exhausting way to live.

I’ve worn social masks for years and years.

Until one morning when I stood up in front of a room with about 100 people and told them the truth.

I told them that I wasn’t honest with myself and with others.

I was searching for myself in the eyes of others.

I felt like I lost myself and had no idea who I truly was.

I was SURVIVING, not living.

My focus was external–looking good, being right, having control and avoiding pain.

I learned that the cost of it was being myself—authentic, vulnerable and free.

I also realized that being me is life’s greatest gift.

It’s a privilege.

It’s a choice.

For the first time in my life, I let myself be me.

There was a lot of healing, self-forgiveness, and self-compassion in the process.

Being a very healthy person, I suddenly got extremely sick.

Being a “strong” woman who hasn’t cried for days, I cried for hours releasing all those unresolved emotions that had been buried deep inside.

Without any fear or judgment.

Without any worry about how I would be perceived and what people would think of me.

The ultimate feeling I experienced is hard to describe because it’s so powerful–it’s FREEDOM.

It’s from the place of total freedom of being yourself that you can create and attract anything you want in life.

In your dating and love life, it’s your soulmate who “accidentally” meets you and falls in love with you for who you are.

In other areas of your life, it’s new doors that “suddenly” open for you—just the right people, circumstances, and opportunities show up.

The feeling of not having to “search” anymore because you “have arrived” is AMAZING!

Your energy shifts and you also notice that people who criticized you no longer “push your buttons.”

When you become at peace with who you are, you accept yourself.

When you do, miracles start to happen because others mirror that acceptance.

Those buttons that drove you crazy for years are no longer there.

Ironically, it’s only when you let yourself be you and let go of the masks you have been wearing to be approved, validated and accepted by others is when people give you that approval, validation, and acceptance.

What I realized is that I don’t want to be better, smarter, stronger or more successful.

What I REALLY want is to be me. That means different and unique.

Have my own voice and make it heard.

Express myself now, just the way I am.

As one of my mentors said, “You can be a work in progress and still be a masterpiece.”

Choose to be YOU.

If you don’t know who you are, choice who you want to be and be that person.

It’s my intention that sharing a personal journey to myself will inspire you and give you the freedom no one else can give you or take away.

A final thought is when you are being you, you live as if there is nothing to prove, just something to share.

I choose to share love and light with you and the world.

What do you choose?

Please tell me here your journey of letting you be yourself so that our community can learn from your experience.

Look forward to hearing your story!