Summer has started, our son graduated from pre-K and we’re moving to a new home this weekend. I know that a new chapter is about to start in my life. This is also true for my friends who have moved to new places, as well as clients who are now in committed relationships.
If you’re moving to a new city or country to find love and/or pursue your career goals (I did both when moved to New York City from D.C.) or you’re moving in with your boyfriend, you probably feel excited, nervous and scared. I totally get it, because I felt the same way. Even now, as we upgraded our lifestyle again, a part of me wonders if we can do it. “Yes, we can,” says my other voice, the one that’s responsible for everything I’ve manifested so far. So can you manifest what you want—it just requires you to decide that you can—with faith, courage, and gratitude. If you wonder what practical steps you can take to start your new life, especially your love life, here are my top 5:
1. Create a vision for a new chapter in a new life. I had the vision to live in a new home, and over a period of time envisioned it as if already happened. There’s one line of apartments in our building that we wanted to move into. It’s more spacious than the others, with lots of windows facing both East and West sides—perfect for watching sunrises and sunsets. The probability that something would open up there was small, but, just like a parking spot suddenly becomes available when you intend to get one, it showed up. By some intricate flow of events, other bidders found something else, and now we’re moving into a fully-renovated dream home. What I did, without telling anyone, was visualize and feel gratitude for living there in advance. I go to the yoga studio across the street and would look at our “future home” at every sun salutation.
Just like for a new home, this visioning process works with creating a new relationship. Perhaps you already have someone particular in mind; you see him at your office daily or you like his online dating profile. Or, you haven’t met him yet but you believe he exists and is searching for you too. Create a vision of what it would look like to be together on a daily basis. If you have a spiritual practice like yoga or meditation, expand it by including your visualization or feelization in your daily routine. You’ll be astonished at the unpredictable and surprising flow of events that will bring the two of you together.
2. Prepare for your vision to turn into reality before it does. A few months ago, when there seemed to be no available apartments around, I started preparing for our new home by simplifying and organizing things. By getting rid of stuff, I was actually creating space for our new, beautiful, clutter-free home. I also found some furniture that would add more sensuality and romance to our environment, like a full-height mirror (think, dancing when no one is watching) or a cozy, soft and spacious couch (goodbye to the formal, cold, sticky leather couch).
When you take real action so your vision will manifest, you’re sending a powerful message to the universe that you believe it’s coming and you’re ready and prepared to receive it. For example, you can make room in your closet and empty a couple of drawers in your bedroom dresser, keep a six-pack in your fridge and a shaving kit in your bathroom — all for your man. Whatever you do, ensure it’s aligned with your vision and brings you closer to manifesting it.
3. Create new habits that match your new life. Throughout the years, I noticed that it was much easier to create new habits in times of change. For instance, when I moved to New York City to a shared apartment that had a terrace, it was easy to start a daily meditation practice because that terrace offered privacy yet connected me to the energy of the big city. Now, my new habits include morning meditation on the sundeck followed by a workout. It’s much easier to get some exercise done this way, because I have to walk through the health club every time I go to meditate.
Identify something you want to do on a regular basis and anchor it to something that you’re already doing. Take into account the change that’s about to happen, like starting a new job in a different city. Let’s say that your health is super-important to you and you have a habit of going to the gym right after work; then you go right home, because it takes you an hour to commute back and you like to go to bed early. However, you just got a new job that’s a few blocks away from your home and so now you have two extra hours every day. Your new habits could include going to the gym before work every morning, having dinner by yourself on Tuesdays (steakhouse bar, oyster bar happy hours and sushi bar are all fabulous options), taking a course on investing on Wednesdays, and going on dates with guys you meet through online dating (plus, guys you meet while dining solo) on Thursdays. If your goal is to get into a relationship soon, you’ll reach it much faster by creating new habits like these that enable you to meet more men in a week that you used to meet in a month!
4. Get support as you step into your new life. As we’re moving into our dream home, I’m also investing into getting support to grow my business and team so that I can help more people. What I learned from years of upgrading my lifestyle is that once you experience “better,” you don’t want to go back to the old way of living. Yet, so often we are motivated and excited to start something new, but days or weeks later find ourselves back where we were, wondering what happened.
That’s why it’s so crucial to get support from a coach or mentor to help you expand your mindset and take new, massive action aligned with your new vision.
If you just got out of a relationship, started dating or got exclusive with someone special, make sure you get support from a professional coach to help you navigate through every stage so that you’ll get to where you truly want to be in your love life.
This month, I’m opening a few spots in my private coaching program and I’ll be happy to talk with you to see if we’re a fit to work together. Simply click REPLY and share about your situation, the challenges you face and what you want the most support with.
5. Say “no” to someone/something that doesn’t fit your new life. I must have said “no” hundreds of times in the last couple of months to countless things that I no longer needed or wanted. Huge bags filled with stuff piled up by the entrance door and—BAM—I threw them away. My closets are half-empty, and there is much more space and energy in our home. There is a real feeling of freedom.
Imagine if you take the time to go through a drawer and say “no” to a couple dozen items. Then, every day you open the drawer, you’ll feel relieved and there will be a release of energy because your mind will no longer be cluttered with thoughts like, “It’s so messy,” or small decisions like, “This top looks worn out, but I love how it fits me. Should I keep it or throw out?”
Once you’re done with saying “no” to things, move on to people (the hardest but most necessary part of this exercise). Go through your list of contacts, including your social media and online dating accounts that probably have lots of unanswered messages. Clean them up quickly and decisively. For example, any guys who say words along the lines of “Hey, what up?” or “This site is terrible. Are you like all other women here, or better?” gives you the opportunity to say “no”—so pushing the “delete” button is sufficient. Keep saying “no” and you will create more space, time and energy only for the people and things that are worth your wholehearted ” Hell, yeah.”
So, these are my 5 top ways to create a new chapter—in your love life or beyond. Please comment here and share what changes you’re facing and your ways to turn the page to something you have envisioned and are now making into a reality.