DATING

After 20 years of not watching TV, I indulged and watched “Billions,” which I heard about from Tony Robbins in one of his interviews. I got curious when he said that he works with his private clients just like the top performance coach in that show.

After I watched Wendy Rhoades’ (a psychiatrist-turned-peak-performance-coach on Wall Street) first coaching session with one of the traders (that scene was actually inspired by Tony Robbins’ real session), I was hooked.

Wendy is a smart, successful and powerful woman. Here are the 5 keys to being a high-value woman that I learned from her as the “Billions'” performance coach:

Key #1. Act like a high-value woman

Perception is the reality. Men learn how to treat you based on what you say and do. If you act like a woman who knows her value and self-worth, men will perceive you as one.

A high-value woman is a woman who consistently acts like one.

In the most challenging situations (her husband steals her private session notes; her boss shows her a dossier on her that could ruin her reputation and career), Wendy doesn’t break down into anger, frustration or tears. Her head is high, her voice calm and she maintains steady eye contact. She’s perceived as an equal by all the high-power men, from Wall Street to her U.S. attorney husband.

Key #2. Set strong personal boundaries

If we have no or low, weak and unclear boundaries, men won’t know if they’ve overstepped them. They’ll overstep the boundaries just because they can. Unless we clearly define and openly communicate our boundaries, we can’t expect men to understand and respect them.

A high-value woman defines and maintains her personal boundaries. When a high-value man , who has high standards and strong boundaries himself, shows up, he naturally respects hers.

We also show men how much we value ourselves and honor our boundaries by how we respond when the boundaries are violated.

When Wendy found out that her husband broke into her computer and broke her trust, she didn’t scream or cry, “How could you do this to me?” She bluntly told him, “Pack your shit. Be gone!”

Key #3. Take care of yourself

So many of us are raised to believe that to be loved, accepted and appreciated, we need to take care of other people first. We often sacrifice our dreams, passions and desires to be liked and approved of. In dating, this shows up in things like becoming intimate with a man when you aren’t ready, or staying in a wrong relationship way too long.

A high-value woman puts her needs first (as in the “secure your air mask first and then help others” instructions before an airplane takes off) and protects herself.

Wendy takes care of herself. She doesn’t stay at the firm after her boss shocks her with a betraying dossier he has on her. But she also doesn’t quit her job until she first gets a confirmation that a five million-dollar bonus has been wired into her bank account. It’s in that moment she gets up, says to her boss “I quit” and walks away.

Key # 4. Say “NO”

Related to the previous key, when we’re taught to be “sweet and nice,” often we have a hard time saying “NO,” when deep down we know it’s the true answer. Because we don’t want to hurt other people’s feelings or disappoint, we struggle with saying “No” as the answer.

A high-value woman says “NO” freely and as often as needed. She usually doesn’t apologize or feels a need to explain herself in the process.

When Wendy’s husband asked her to sacrifice her lucrative career so that he could press charges against her boss, she refused.

When her former boss came to her newly established office as an independent performance coach asking her to come back to the firm, she simply said, “No.”

Key #5. Develop a deep understanding of men-below the surface level

Many times we find ourselves thinking, “Why didn’t he call?” “What does his text mean?” or “Why did he disappear?” Whenever you go into in-depth analyzing of men’s words and actions, recycling the same thoughts about a guy or situation and asking such questions, it can be summarized in one word – overthinking.

A high-value woman doesn’t waste her time and mental energy wondering, guessing and self-doubting. She can read a man’s mind, understand his deep-wired needs and see through his attempts to manipulate, lie or hide.

Wendy’s best at what she does. She understands what drives and motivates others and it makes her invaluable and irreplaceable. Her boss told his wife that no one “gets” him like Wendy. Her husband declined an invitation to hook up with a 23-year-old saying she could never give him what Wendy has.

These are my top 5 keys learned from “Billions.” Turns out, I can enjoy watching TV just like my husband. Now we have one more thing to share. Plus, I can share what I’m learning with you.

If you’ve been watching “Billions” or are now going to start watching this show, let me know what you learned and, most importantly, how you’re applying it in real life. Reply here to share.