DATINGRELATIONSHIPS

Sometimes I see women say or text certain things that make me have a surprised expression on my face. “Why would you say that?!” There are more than 5 phrases that you want to avoid, but let’s start with the most common ones. If you want to test them for yourself, avoid saying these phrases completely and see how things shift in your interactions with men.

Here are the top “do not say” phrases:

1. “Nothing much.” — If you respond like this when a guy texts you asking, “What are you doing?”, you kill the potential attraction. You’re sending him a message that you need someone else (him?!) to make your life interesting and exciting. This kind of seemingly harmless message can cause men to lose interest even before they get to know you.

2. “I’m really/very/super busy.” — If you tell this to a guy in response to him asking you, “How’s your day going?” or “Would you like to meet?” you’re telling him there’s no room for him in your life. This message will make a man move on quickly and find someone who’s more available. The energy of “busy” is masculine and, therefore, unattractive to a man. Your boss will like it, but not your man.

3. “My life is so boring compared to yours.” — If you tell him that after he shares something cool about his business or travel plans (developing a new app, or swimming with the sharks in Cape Town, etc.) you’re ultimately telling him you aren’t good enough for him. When you tell a man he’s better than you, he’ll believe you! He’ll also think you aren’t the woman for him because an extraordinary man looks for an extraordinary woman, not someone who so readily appears to be insecure and average.

4. “No, I got it.” — When a man offers to do something for you–open a door, pay for a drink– refusing his offer is a major turn-off. Men need to be needed! Of course, you can do things for yourself–you’ve done it your entire adult life! That’s not the point. By letting a man take care of you in seemingly small ways, you fulfill his greatest need that he’s deeply wired for.

5. “Where do we stand?” — If you just started dating a guy, have no clue what your relationship means (“Are we dating exclusively?”, “Are we just hooking up?”), and ask this question, you give your power away to him. You also send him a message that you have no say in the direction of your relationship. Why is he the one to decide where you stand? What about expressing how you feel? By asking this kind of question, you lower your self-value and put yourself in the dependent, weak position of someone who has no say in the matter. Don’t do that!

These are my top 5. As always, please share your “do not say” words and phrases by posting your comments here.