One of my group coaching clients asked me this question in our last call: “Should I stay or should I go?”
She joined my program in January and met the guy in February. After 2 months of dating exclusively, they moved in together. At that point, they both were on the same page around the vision for the future, including commitment, marriage and family.
Fast forward to 2 months later. He started sharing his doubts about having children at his age (he’s 48), which is a dealbreaker for her. Other issues also emerged a couple of months after moving in, the kind of things you find out when you spend a lot of time together.
Now, she feels angry, sad and confused after investing 4 months into a relationship with this man.
What would you do?
My advice is the same, no matter where you are or how long you’ve been in your relationship.
Always go back to your vision.
For example, when Paul asked me to move in with him after just 1 month of exclusively dating each other, I told him I’d only move in if it led to creating a family. I was open, clear and upfront about it. He agreed. There was no guarantee that once we moved in together, things would work out. But we both took that risk.
After 3 months into living together, we had some ups and downs that would make or break us. In fact, every couple goes through those waves in a relationship; especially in the beginning. What really matters throughout those forming-storming-norming stages is this:
Is your vision aligned?
So, if my husband “suddenly” decided he no longer wanted marriage and family with me, I’d use my power of walking away. Absolutely. Because having a family was a must-have, non-negotiable for me. A total dealbreaker.
When you’re crystal clear about what you want and communicate it openly and clearly from the get-go, you’re much more likely to achieve it.
Be committed to your vision but don’t be attached to a guy.
What I mean is, if a man tells you he has the same vision but later “changes his mind,” you don’t change the vision–you change the man.
If it happens within a few months of living together, it’s much better than, say, figuring it out in a few years of dating exclusively. Because time is the one thing you can’t get back.
So, if your vision isn’t aligned, you have a choice. You both can align your vision or, if it doesn’t work, you can use the power of walking away. Everything else is settling and won’t work long-term.
When you own your power of walking away, your man will sense it. If he sees “the One” in you, he’ll move mountains to be with you. He’ll align his vision with yours and become open to doing things he wasn’t open to with other women. That’s why some of those so-called “players” turn into devoted husbands and fathers.
You have that much power-use it!
Even if it requires you to take a step back and start it all over again, you’ll be better off than to keep taking steps forward in the wrong direction.
Please leave a comment here and let me know.