One thing I love about French women is their exceptional sense of self-value and self-worth. From their body language to how they talk to men, it sends a powerful message: “I value myself.”
Because I believe that knowing your self-value is the key to dating with confidence and creating a loving and happy relationship, I wrote this blog.
Also, I’ve recorded this short video because I know so many women I encounter don’t know their value and worth, which sabotages their success with men.
For example, Olivia is a 45-year-old client of mine. She told me that her ex-husband lied, emotionally abused and cheated on her for nearly a decade, and she spent the next 5 years in healing and therapy. When she finally decided to put herself out there and signed up for online dating, she was overwhelmed and disappointed by the whole experience.
Men kept canceling plans with her at the last minute, “forgetting” to call her when they said they would, and disappearing after first dates.
Olivia couldn’t understand why this was happening until we started working together and looked at the facts.
Turned out, she didn’t express her own needs and desires, didn’t set clear, healthy boundaries and gave too many second chances to men who had done nothing to earn them.
It was an “aha moment” when Olivia realized her relationships with men were simply a mirror of her relationship with herself.
Because without truly appreciating your own value, you’re likely to be mistreated, taken advantage of and deeply hurt by men.
But, the good news is this:
The moment you start valuing yourself is the moment men start valuing you.
Make this your mantra if that helps, and write it down as a reminder that you can see frequently.
After just one month of coaching, Olivia has boosted her self-value and self-esteem in a tremendous way that has impacted not only dating but all of her relationships.
To connect to your own value, you can instantly take these 2 steps:
1. Get clear about about your own value. Make a list of 50 or more reasons a man would be lucky to have you as his girlfriend or wife.
It’s important that you balance “being,” “doing” and “having,” so that it isn’t primarily about what you do or have, like “a job in finance”or “have an athletic body,” but also about what qualities and traits you’re bringing to a relationship, like being “loyal” and “reliable.”
2. Get clear about healthy boundaries and choose to say “No” to certain men and situations without feeling guilty, saying “sorry,” or explaining yourself.
For example, a guy cancels your first date at the last minute and you give him a chance (which I believe is fair and kind, because anyone can mess up — once). But, when he cancels the second time around and asks to reschedule, simply send him a message like this, “No, I don’t feel we’re a match. Best of luck to you.” That’s the response of a woman who knows her self-value and won’t waste her time on men who don’t respect her.
Post a comment below and let me know how you increase your self-value and what new healthy boundaries you choose to set in your dating life.