Would you like to have fun and memorable first dates?
Last week I shared a story with you about my first date with Paul and lots of creative ideas for your first date.
Afterwards, I got many emails from women just like you asking me this question:
How can I get the kind of first dates I want?
Megan said, “Guys often suggest ‘drinks’ because they can’t or won’t think of anything better on a date.”
So if you don’t want to go for drinks AGAIN, read on!
Let’s say you already know where you’d want to go on your first date (if you don’t, here’s some inspiration for you.)
Now let’s talk about how can you inspire a man to take you on a specific first date* without:
-Leaning forward in your masculine
-Making it seem like you don’t like his suggestion
-Getting in a way of letting a man lead
*To be clear, this isn’t the very first encounter– we’re talking about an actual first date, after you’ve already met face-to-face (for coffee or drinks).
The keyword here is inspire.
Not to tell him what to do.
Not to initiate, plan, organize and follow up.
To illustrate it, here’s a quick story about how I inspired Paul for our first date.
When we met for the first time, we talked about fun things to do in summer. He shared that he has a speedboat in Long Island and that we should go for a ride someday. So, one morning I simply texted him, “What a beautiful day for boating!” He called me later and invited to go boating in Long Island. That’s how we had our first date.
Here are a few key steps to take towards the first date you want:
1) Seeding – What you talk about during your initial encounter matters, so talk about one point of connection, something you both enjoy, and go deeper into that topic. Metaphorically speaking, you want to plant the seeds to develop a basic foundation between you and him.
A typical mistake women make is jumping from one topic to another in a superficial manner; that can make you sound like any other woman he dates.
2) Expressing yourself – When you see someone for the very first time, you don’t know if you’ll see each other again, but don’t let that stop you from openly and clearly expressing yourself and your desires. Let’s say he said he has a mountain bike. If you’ve been wanting to ride one, say so. Tell a story about your interest and experience (if any) in riding mountain bikes.
A typical mistake women make is keeping things to yourself and waiting for the perfect time to share more of yourself. However, that time may never come. You have one shot, so use it.
3) Future-pacing – When you establish one point of connection, go deeper into exploring it, express yourself and your desires; that naturally leads to future-pacing. What I mean by that is that you actually paint a picture of what it would be like to experience something together in the future. Like riding mountain bikes together. Describe how much fun you two would have.
A typical mistake women make here is confusing projecting into the future with future-pacing and hence, avoiding both.
You don’t want to start thinking about what it would be like to marry this man. But you do want to talk with him about what it would be like to do something together that you both love, and then future pace in a way that creates anticipation and excitement.
So, if you integrate these 3 keys into your first encounter, you’re much more likely to walk away with specific plans for your first date, the kind of date you’ll actually be excited about and look forward to.
You’ll know you’ve done it well when he offers to do the very thing you imagined and described for your official first date.
Leave your comment/question here and let me know what’s been most valuable to you, and how you’ll apply these keys into setting up your first dates.