Last week I was at Tony Robbins’ “Unleash the Power Within,” a 4-day live event. It was my 5th event of his, because “repetition is the mother of skill,” and also I love being a part of that community and contributing to his events as a volunteer.
If you know about Tony Robbins, you know that he lives everything he talks about, including his relationship with his wife Sage. She’s present at all his events and you can feel how much love they have for each other just by looking at them.
This couple is a living example of what a loving, beautiful and inspiring long-term marriage is like. That’s why I want to share Tony’s wisdom so that you can instantly apply that in your relationship to make it all you envision it to be.
Here are the 5 lessons:
1. “Your relationship is either growing or dying.” The biggest illusion is thinking that things will remain the same. We may think that our relationship was good when we were dating, so it’s going to be good when we move in together/get married/have children. No, it won’t… if we don’t make consistent and conscious efforts to grow it. Just like with an initially beautiful garden: if you water the flowers and pull out the weeds, it will grow, but if you don’t, it will eventually die.
2. “If you do what you did in the beginning of a relationship, there will be no end to that relationship.” If you ever wondered why your relationship ended, it comes down to one basic reason–one or both of you stopped doing what you used to do. For example, when you started dating, he made plans and took you out, but once you moved in together, he preferred to stay home and watch sports. Or, you used to dress up but, after having a child, you prefer to wear comfy sweatpants and t-shirts. What if even after you got married and started a family, you still had date nights out and dressed to the nines? You’d be able to tell your girlfriends (who, by the way, don’t have to vanish because of the difference in your relationship status) about your “hot” date with your husband (“Check out that amazing sushi place he took me to”) and, for sure, you will enjoy wearing your new red dress and seeing the expression of adoration on his face.
3. “Discipline your disappointments.” Disappointments are shortcuts to success, because you can learn from them and grow. Once you get into a relationship, there will be expectations that won’t be met by either your partner or you. And you’ll be disappointed. It’s an illusion to think that everything will be perfect once you’re in a relationship. But you don’t have to let those disappointments ruin your relationship. For example, there will be situations when your guy will promise something but not do it. If you let resentment, frustration and anger run you, your relationship will go downhill. Instead, use those situations to communicate with your man openly, express yourself clearly and set healthy boundaries.
4. “Make a change must, not a should.” This will get you the leverage you need to make necessary shifts in your relationship and grow it to the next level. So often you might say things like, “I should tell him how much I appreciate him more often,” or, “I should stop overthinking and making a big deal out of little things,” but not actually do it. That’s because there’s no compelling reason that makes it a must-do. You have to find a way or make a way to make change a must. Sometimes making a decision is enough. But more often than not, we need something else to make a lasting change. One proven way is to get a professional coach, so that you have consistent support and the accountability required to actualize the decision you have made.. I’d love to talk with you about your situation and what you need most at this point in your love life.
5. “People either have results or stories. Change your story, and change your life.” Why do some couples enjoy a loving, committed relationship while others break up and say bad things about each other? If you want to have results like being happily married to a man who’s crazy about you, be clear about the kind of story you are telling yourself. Because if on a subconscious level your story is that men can’t be trusted and leave you, then no matter how many dates you go on, you won’t create good results. Change your story and your results will change. In my experience, I was abandoned by my father as a baby, but what I kept telling myself was that the man I married would feel lucky to be my husband. My results match my story, because, for over 8 years, my husband keeps asking me in amazement, “Are you really my wife? I’m so lucky!”
These are the top 5 nuggets of wisdom I learned about the relationship from Tony Robbins.
Post your thoughts and comments here.
I look forward to hearing from and connecting with you.